Anatomy of a Break-Up (Day Nine)

Sleeping with LaFayette on the couch wasn't so bad.

In fact, I awoke today with a lighthearted and open feeling radiating through me. Most likely due to the new open space concept I had going on in my room and living room from the big move. But I knew when I turned and rolled off the couch and onto the floor and looked at my empty bedframe that today marked the day of some seriously minor, but kinda important, emotional breakthroughs. I also knew I needed a goddamn mattress.

I had a new outlook, so when Assface text me this link: http://www.barstoolsports.com/boston/super-page/who-is-the-gayball-paperboy-with-gisele/  and then followed up with: it's the waterslide off-season all over again, I didn't freak out.

Instead, I did just what my shrink said to do. I sat with my shame. Which means I just sat on my couch with this image in my head:

Lo and behold, after about 3 minutes of thinking about that sad, sad day, I stopped thinking about Assface altogether. I remembered what was really important in the world- things like my daughter, taking out Rex Ryan and Manning with a sniper rifle, and the Bruins next playoff game.

Not only was I cured from my constant Assface thoughts, but remembering the day the Pats lost made me a more tolerant person in general. I didn't backhand my niece when she accidentally turned on the Wii while the Bruins were battling the Caps in the third period.

I didn't tackle my sister when she asked who the "really tall guy" on the B's team was. (To be fair, when I glanced at my daughter her little face was contorted with rage and I was pretty sure she was going to take down my sister. She knows the Bruins line-up better than I do and her love for Chara is undying. She talks about him incessantly. I had to look away because the stinkeye she was throwing at her Auntie was messing with my mellow vibe.)

And when the Bruins took it in OT, I honestly believe that was god's way of saying "Good for you, sitting with your shame and all" in his Morgan Freeman voice.

I can't be sure, but if this is what comes of shame sitting, I'm fucking in.